Assault on the Grinstar

The Grinstar charging its laser over Kalo-Mahoi

While the Spinach Inquisition was working out an arrangement with AbadarCorp at the Burning Archipeligo, Mr. Happy (styling himself Emperor) announced that the Brethedan moon Kalo-Mahoi would be destroyed by the Grinstar as a show of force. This prompted the united Absalom Pact worlds and the Spinach Inquisition to launch an all-out assault on the Grinstar.

The Spinach Inquisitors were joined by an elite Pact task force and AbadarCorp R&D Engineer Scooter. They came prepared with the Stellar Degenerator Carrying Case and Sarumet.

Prelude

The Spinach Inquisition departed from the Burning Archipelago and made a drift jump to Bretheda. A few minutes after arriving, the ASS Spinach Lover is hailed and directed to one of Liavara's moons to link up with the elite Pact task force.

Arriving in the city of Teletoranus on Arkinin, Liavara's largest moon, the Spinach Inquisition heads to a rather questionable part of town. The meeting point is a seedy bar full of mercenary-looking folks. Volkas tries to be friendly with the barkeep, but ends up pissing him off instead. To avoid being thrown out of the bar, Volkas is forced to engage in a contest of strength with a bizarre giant slug-like alien.

Volkas loses his arm wrestling match. Theo challenges the slug to another match; the barkeep and patrons find the idea hilarious and permit it to happen. Theo, being a tiny ysoki, is not favoured to win against the hulking slug alien, but a well-timed Daze cantrip turns it into an easy win for the Spinach Inquisition. The barkeep, true to his word, permits the group to remain.

As the Spinach Inquisition sits and drinks, Coffin Joe approaches and asks them to come to the back room. The Spinach Inquisition proceeds cautiously, but is relieved to find the elite Pact task force assembled and waiting. Their relief quickly turns into dismay as the Spinach Inquisition determines that none of them know what a moon is. All assembled order a round of buttery nipples.

Back aboard the ship, the Spinach Inquisition locks Scooter in the medical lab for the night and rests up.

Come morning, Junk is excited by a strong smell of feces in the halls. Following the scent, he finds Scooter has shit his brains out all over the medbay and appears to be severely dehydrated. Junk applies the poop-shoot to Scooter and wanders off. Popo arrives shortly after to give Scooter some water and get him back on his feet.

Coffin Joe hails the Spinach Inquisition to inform them that the main Pact battle fleet has engaged the Grinstar. Theo activates the drift engine.

Space Battle & Insertion

The ASS Spinach Lover arrives to an all-out war: the united Pact armada, with hundreds of ships, is slugging it out with a similarly-sized HappyCo defense fleet on the Grinstar's starboard side. The Inquisition even sees Eoxian vessels -- the Iron Rictus is fighting. Some of the larger Pact vessels are firing on the Grinstar itself, but their lasers are ineffective against its shielding.

The Spinach Inquisitors are towards the Grinstar's stern. The elite Pact task force forms up around the ASS Spinach Lover and they approach the Grinstar. HappyCo notices this and their Step-Mothership, a massive destroyer in the form of a mother holding a vacuum cleaner, pulls back from the main battle. It launches fighters that attack the escort group. The ASS Spinach Lover responds with a plasma torpedo that destroys the Stepmother Ship's face.

A HappyCo Transport ship is spotted approaching from port side of the Grinstar. The Spinach Inquisition briefly ponders if it is attempting to dock at the Grinstar and evaluate it as a possible avenue of insertion. The transport changes course as it nears the skirmish between the Stepmother Ship's fighters and the Inquisition's escort group.

Science Officer H4NZ realizes that the transport's new course will take it right into the heart of the Pact armada. A scan reveals weapons of mass destruction aboard. Coffin Joe fires a grappling tether at the transport and slows it considerably, but it quickly deploys HappyBots to begin cutting it free.

The Grinstar's defense grid opens a gap in its shielding, paints a target, and fires a powerful laser that destroys some of the Inquisition's escort ships. They continue to engage with the Stepmother Ship's fighters, but begin to fall behind as wave after wave are deployed.

Thinking quickly, Gunner Volkas targets the Stepmother Ship's vacuum cleaner switch. The Spinach Inquisition has previously observed this to be the mechanism that activates fighter launches. After a few volleys, the mechanism is destroyed and no further fighters are launched. The elite Pact task force gains an upper hand on the fighters and begins mopping them up.

The Grinstar takes another shot at the Inquisition's escort group. As the target painting laser lights up, the ASS Spinach Lover charges into the gap in its shields, leaving Coffin Joe to deal with the transport. Theo is able to take the ship through the Grinstar's outer hull without severely damaging the ship.

Between the hulls, the Spinach Inquisition detects a defensive laser matrix powering up. Volkas and Junk start slamming buttons on the weapon system and turn the ASS Spinach Lover into a disco ball of death. The defense system is disabled, and the ship breaches the inner hull.

The ASS Spinach Lover enters a hanger populated by thousands of HappyBots. They immediately go on full alert and begin firing at the ship. Volkas and Junk use up all remaining plasma torpedos to devastate the hanger. The ship is badly damaged, but manages to put down atop a heap of charred HappyBot corpses.

Scooter takes point and secures the hangar bay for the Spinach Inquisition.

Fight through the Grinstar

The carnage in the hangar has left the air filled with smoke and burned circuits, requiring the Inquisition be life-bubbled when exiting the ship. Scooter is issued a plastic bag to put on his head, which he struggles with. Volkas is still bravely shitting his pants from the poop-shoot accident.

With the hangar secure, the Spinach Inquisition pushes out into the depths of the Grinstar. Lucille realizes what is happening and sounds a general alarm. Locating a directory, the Inquisition is presented with several objectives: HappyBot Fabrication, trash compactor, Re-educational Resort / Prison Pod, Tofinkle Reserve, and the Server Room / Power core.

Junk performs a recon mission on HappyBot Fabrication & Hotswap. Running down the halls and screaming at the top of his lungs, he arrives at a huge tempered glass door. Inside is a 3D printer dropping HappyBots onto a conveyor belt. At the end of the process, a chip is placed onto their head and a HappyCo Smile Faceplate is bolted over it. H4NZ remotely hacks the door control, letting Junk into the room. Junk grabs the nearest large weapon and begins firing indiscriminately, doing terrible damage. Theo follows that up with an Explosive Blast, destroying the manufacturing facility totally.

Lucille acknowledges the destruction and routes the reserve HappyBots towards the Spinach Inquisition. As they approach, the Spinach Inquisition greets them as fellow HappyCo employees and directs them down a hallway towards the "intruders". Most of the HappyBots are fooled and continue searching; some perform a scan and engage in combat. In the course of the struggle, the Teleportato appears to be destroyed and Scooter loses it. He locates an exceptionally large rifle in a nearby crate and struggles to fire it; the Inquisition finishes off the HappyBots before Scooter is able to injure himself.

The Spinach Inquisitors find a platform above a deep chasm. Scooter climbs across a cable to the platform, and then attempts to jump a small gap. He misjudges the distance, forcing Popo to engage her jetpack for a quick save. On the far side of the chasm, Scooter and Popo find crates filled with spare parts; Scooter fashions a pair of bridges, enabling the rest of the Inquisition is able to safely cross. Junk attempts to show off by back-flipping over the chasm and narrowly avoids falling to his death, twice.

The door on the far side of the chasm leads to the Re-Educational Resort and Prison Pod.

- the fucked up VR prison - Legehirn - tofinkle reserve & madness of hanz