Starfinder:Adventure Log/2019-04-05

Doing It

• Popo throws tofinkle on the floor & upsets Mr. Happy
  • He retaliates with magic: Rewire Flesh
• Junk is firing on the degenerator like an insane person
• H4NZ destroyed a Mr. Happy with a crit :O
  • H4NZ' drone contains the degenerator and drags it over to Volkas
• Dr. Legehirn goes to attack Mr. Happy with some fuckin saws and it's really metal an shit
  • Rip legs.
• We continue ripping apart Mr. Happy bodies
• Mr. Happy disintegrates H4NZ' drone by doing 160 points of damage.
  • The degenerator is dropped.
• Mr. Unseen picks up the degenerator and brings it to Invisible Theo
  • The degenerator is now invisible.
• Mr. Unseen fists himself for H4NZ
• Theo gets the Sarumet glove and asks him how long it'll take
  • He's not sure, a while
  • Theo says fuck it, cracks the degenerator casing open, and FISTS IT
  • GREEN ENERGY EVERYWHERE OH GOD
  • Theo's invisibility ends because of all the green positive energy
  • Mr. Happy is NOT AMUSED.
• Mr. Happy grabs a lot of bodies and throws them at us
  • Mr. Happy manhandles Theo to try and get him off the degenerator
• Junk: "What is the function of the teleportato?" "it's a potato that teleports."
  • Junk twaps the blue-aura's Mr. Happy with the Bronzed Dong of Dwayne
  • "For penis damage, roll me a 1d4 plus strength."
  • Metal on metal CLANG.
  • Junk has successfully distracted the main Mr. Happy
• Popo gets the healz flowing
• Doctor cleaves some Mr. Happies and SHREDS them
• Mr. Happy hits H4NZ and H4NZ goes down.
  • Oh fuck
  • Theo pours some healing serum on H4NZ to fix him up
  • Theo's hand is wildly fisting the degenerator
    • We think it's going to do whatever it's going to do soon.
    • Junk becomes aroused by this
• Junk drops his pants during his fight with Mr. Happy and jizzes on him.
  •  ???????????????
• Volkas crits the everliving shit out of a Mr. Happy (with THREE crit rolls in one attack), smashing the body into the Mr. Happy next to him and doing damage to both
• Mr. Happies make a desperate last-ditch attempt to stop Theo, but cannot drop him
• HOT ENERGY EMERGES FROM THEO'S HAND
  • It collapses in on itself
  • The degenerator, the glove, and the energy all disappear
  • I have a ghost hand!
  • Mr. Happy SCREAMS IN FRUSTRATION for considerable time
  • He is too busy screaming to avoid Junk shooting at him
• Doctor axes Mr. Happy a question & slays the body
  • Mr. Happy is still carrying on cranky
• Mr. Happy goes to the middle of the radiation cloud thing and drops control of all his other bodies
  • He is going to blow up the Grinstar
  • We should leave.
  • Security doors slammed down
  • Theo starts trying to hack it
  • Junk fucks around with the teleportato, gets frustrated, and throws it at Popo
  • Volkas cuts the door wide open
  • Popo keeps the teleportato
• H4NZ attempts to remote-hack Mr. Happy
  • From his point of view, the world melts into tofinkle
  • Cackling in his left ear
  • H4NZ aborts the attempt.
• We flee the HappyCo Server Room & Power Room
  • We find Eoxian soldiers engaged w/ HappyBots
  • Junk tries to shoot one
  • We do not warn them, fuck Eoxians
• Popo finally cracks the mystery of the teleportato
  • Runes on it are attuned to only teleport the potato
  • Could be modified to teleport other things
• We avoid a crossfire
• Eoxian ships have opened the hangar and taken it
  • The Iron Rictus is attempting to dock with the Grinstar
• The Spinach Inquisition boards their ship without alerting the Eoxian shitheads
  • Theo can't pilot with one hand
  • Junk takes us out
• As we depart, the Grinstar detonates.
  • Purple waves of energy emit
  • Destroys EVERYTHING in the vicinity
  • We ride one of the energy waves out
  • Shields are fukt
  • Rockin' and a' rollin'
  • Junk is keeping us on course (wowze
• Theo scans for the Iron Rictus
  • No trace of the ship. No large pieces of debris.
  • Tons of escape pods
  • Mangled corpses exposed to the vacuum of space
  • Pact armada was devestated
• As we see the wreckage, FADE TO BLACK.
  • News of our deeds has spread
  • Gained an infamous reputation
  • Nobody knows if we're good or bad
  • But we did save the moon!
  • We are now D-List Pact World celebrities
• After the debacle...
  • Junk wandered off one day and was left behind
  • We receieve an invitation! "Felicitations! Paradise Resorts / 3 week stay / New Elesium / Pamper yourself / Massages / Finest Food / SO MUCH MORE"
  • (complimentary)
  • Grand Gala for All Guests / Meet & Mingle / Make new friend
• Popo adjusts the teleportato & attaches it to the Augury Device to let it teleport (home?)!
  • We tell the Augury Device of Scooter's deeds
  • It acknowledges Scooter as a hero before it departs.