Starfinder:Adventure Log/2019-04-26

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What Happened After...

  • Junk wandered off into the sunset
    • Seen headlines -- he is now an infamous sex offender & thief
  • Theo set up a GoSpaceMe page & got 70k credits for a polyhand (RH)
  • Popo produced & starred in Veskarrium Rockhard (musical/movie)
    • Loose cannon cop
    • Cambel Ring that devoured his partner
  • Volkas left the team to clear conspiracy RE: eating his wife
    • Legal fees left him peniless
    • Teamed up w/ merc partner Nacho to open Pako's Tacos
  • H4NZ stays with the ASS Spinach Lover to help repair it & drone

Invitation to New Elysium

  • Lots of foot fetish stuff in the invite??
  • We're on our way to the resort on a Elysium Megashuttle
  • Unseen to us, Billy Naise is trying to sell Steinwegren (foot critic) Mayoglide Max
    • MULTIPURPOSE! 2 purposes!
    • He buys 3
    • Naise starts pitching him on joining the pyramid scheme (Mayonettes)
      • Asks about the pyramid scheme structure
      • 10 referrals per level
      • SOLD.
      • "Consider me. A mayonette." in Nixon voice
  • Popo says there will be a part 2 for the musical (based on the owner of a taco stand)
    • Volkas isn't down with it
  • Shuttle is a Ringworks Sentinel
    • T5 med explorer, armed luxury shuttle
    • Elysia is the AI for new elysium
    • We see stuff on the news
    • Bonno K. Ronno (#MAAA) was elected PrimeX (mayor??) of Absalom
  • Talking to Elysia
    • Event is the Grand Reopening, inviting influential people to test it out & give feedback
    • They have a new app (Keys to Elysium) they want us to test (we'll get it when we land)
    • EVERYTHING IS FREE!
    • Phillip Coulsner, Head of Social Media, invited us
      • He is also hosting tonight's festivities
      • AI admits Phillip has a thing for feet
  • Theo meets mayo dude
    • He tries to sell me mayo lol
  • Shuttle is under attack by pirates
    • Somebody notifies New Elysium security, they're on their way
    • Other ships transmit laughter ... we may be surrounded?
    • Captain of our shuttle is apparently one of the bandits
    • Billy Naise tries to sell him mayo
  • Billy Naise threatens the hijacker with a mayo bomb
    • You can hold hostages with your mayo!!!!
    • "Captain" is scared
    • The secret ingredient is MAYO!
    • "Captain" asks to take the shuttle and go
    • Billy Naise says no, then SHOOTS HIM IN HIS FUCKING HEAD, killing him instantly.
    • Theo approves & buys 3 tubs of mayo to thank Billy
  • Another transport being attacked by 3 raiders
    • 2 break off to engage us
    • Theo uses psychokinetic hand to brush as much of the blood and brain matter off the pilot station as possible
    • The Spinach Inquisitiont akes control of the Elysium Megashuttle.
    • Billy Naise is not a good engineer
  • Goal Runner hails us & tells us to give them what-for!
    • Volkas is a fiend w/ the flak turret
    • Badly damaged Goal Runner gets away & heads for New Elysium
    • New Elysium security craft arrives
  • Pirates make a weird comment about maggots and rotting corpses as they flee
  • Billy Naise and Popo talk about Popo's new invention, the Slapchop
    • Popo sings the slapchop rap
    • Billy Naise is not into it
  • Billy Naise tries to sell to C.H.I.V.E.S.
    • Robot cannot figure out what it would do with mayo
    • Robot doesn't want it & Billy breaks down in tears
      • "MY WIFE LEFT ME ... "
      • Name is really Kevin
      • Robot gives him a voucher for spa time to make him stop crying
      • MayoLand Incorporated
  • H4NZ checks the ship's computer for info about the New Elysium reopening
    • Owns several unusual tourist centers, including Cloud 9 floating in Brethada's clouds
    • Good rep, profitable, has a lot of partnered companies to provide services to guests
    • The New Elysium asteroid used to be a gas station & they gutted it and turned it into a resort
  • We dock w/ New Elysium, there's a glass tower & dome on the asteroid that look nice
    • Automated docking system brings us in
    • "A plane untouched by sorrow"
    • We see a famous Brutaris team, the Absalom Buzzblades (who we saved earlier), in the docking area
      • We get some autographs
    • Big Vesk lady flags us down
      • The crew of the Goal Runner!
      • Billy Naise says hello & tries to sell her MayoGlide┬« MAXΓäó
      • Billy gives her a card -- it has no contact info, just "BILLY NAISE - MAYO KING" in big bold letters
  • Somebody is waving to us (short halfling)
    • Man in suit appears behind him. Has cybernetic right arm.
      • Has an entourage
    • This is Philip, he welcomes us
    • Kayon Reese is the dude w/ a suit
      • He's CEO of their most prominent partner
    • Phillip gives us a 5,000c in company scrip for New Elysium as a reward for fending off the pirates
  • Philip takes us for a walk
    • Sends us the Keys to Elysium app
    • H4NZ tries to scan the app, but Phillip tells him not to mess with their proprietary code
      • Tells H4NZ that he can leave if he doesn't want to use the app
      • H4NZ says he's going to test the security of the app
    • Popo presses all the buttons
      • Volkas becomes blurry, green star above Billy's head
    • Popo does app tutorial!
      • Popo tracks Phillip in the app because foot stuff
  • Volkas blocks Billy Naise
    • Volkas just sees a vague blurr in his place & can't hear him now
  • Popo demands a foot facial from Phillip
    • Philip doesn't have time now & doesn't wanna
    • Popo is tracking him in the app and demands he do it later :-)
  • 6 PM tomorrow is the gala
    • Bonno K. Ronno is going to be there!
  • Popo & Philip start having some foot-related sexual tensions!!!!!!!

Homework

  • 5,000c in company scrip for New Elysium as a reward for fending off the pirates
  • Popo & Philip start having some foot-related sexual tensions!!!!!!!
  • Recalibrate my armour stuff to be hawiian shirt themed