Starfinder:Adventure Log/2018-05-18

Whorehouse Adventure Sideshow

• Aboard the ASS Spinach Lover after being saved from Eox by Mr. Happy.
• Mary Smalls emails me.
  • New cats: Tiddlewinkins, JOjo, Isaiah J Tompson, Biscuit
  • Offer of money.
  • Meet her at Old Folks home.
  • Old folks home....is the brother?
    • H4NZ determines that it is Ancient Human for Butt Stuff.
  • She has a boyfriend.
• Long talk about cats and butt stuff with the team.
• Large ship approaches us & hails us near Akiton.
  • ON SCREEN!
  • Catchy song starts playing!
  • Sexual Tyrannosaurus vessel. Scantily-clad spacesuited whores hanging out of the ship.
  • They want us to fire lasers! We fire lasers!
  • They pass on by.
• We dock at Absalom.
  • Gowena spoogles the Butt Stuff place.
  • It's in the rich area.
  • We head over.
• Secretary (Melinda!)
  • Bar & resturant.
  • Other services (all sexual) require an appointment.
  • Meet Vivian, one of the grandkids
    • We get a 25% discount on all purchases.
  • "We don't schedule sexual activities with the owner's grandmother."
• Vivian can't open Ms Small's door
  • Her keycard isn't opening it (it's the master key)
  • Bang on it, no response (other than cats)
  • Junk shoots the door
  • Guards don't like that, but Vivian Carpenter (owner) tells them its OK
  • Junk is useless.
• H4NZ hacks the door.
  • Bloody pawprints everywhere.
  • Smell is HORRIFYING.
  • Cats SPEW FORTH from the room.
  • 41 cat food bowls. Lots of dead cats. One alive cat is eating a hotdog.
  • Mary Smalls has died.
• H4NZ notices a hot dog lodged in the corpse of Ms Small's throat.
  • H4NZ reminds us of her email: Biscuit had a hunger for the other cats?
  • h4nz rolls medicine on a hotdog
  • End of the sausage was not bitten, but sliced.
    • Detect POISON on the hotdog!
  • Biscuit (maybe? they look like fucking cats) dies
• GM RULING: the dead cats are 1 L bulk each.
  • Junk puts 10 dead cats in his mouth.
• Bombardier Quentin Watson II is head of security!
  • It's been six years!
  • Junk gives him one of my business cards
• GIANT cat bowl says 'Biscuit' on it
• We put the hotdog inside a plastic evidence bag.
• We realize ALL the dead cats are IDENTICAL. That is weird.
  • They...were stillborn? Cloned? 3D cat printed? Manufactured?
• Volkas finds a live cat under Ms Small's bed!
  • It's identical.