Starfinder:Adventure Log/2018-05-18

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Whorehouse Adventure Sideshow

  • Aboard the ASS Spinach Lover after being saved from Eox by Mr. Happy.
  • Mary Smalls emails me.
    • New cats: Tiddlewinkins, JOjo, Isaiah J Tompson, Biscuit
    • Offer of money.
    • Meet her at Old Folks home.
    • Old folks home....is the brother?
      • H4NZ determines that it is Ancient Human for Butt Stuff.
    • She has a boyfriend.
  • Long talk about cats and butt stuff with the team.
  • Large ship approaches us & hails us near Akiton.
    • ON SCREEN!
    • Catchy song starts playing!
    • Sexual Tyrannosaurus vessel. Scantily-clad spacesuited whores hanging out of the ship.
    • They want us to fire lasers! We fire lasers!
    • They pass on by.
  • We dock at Absalom.
    • Gowena spoogles the Butt Stuff place.
    • It's in the rich area.
    • We head over.
  • Secretary (Melinda!)
    • Bar & resturant.
    • Other services (all sexual) require an appointment.
    • Meet Vivian, one of the grandkids
      • We get a 25% discount on all purchases.
    • "We don't schedule sexual activities with the owner's grandmother."
  • Vivian can't open Ms Small's door
    • Her keycard isn't opening it (it's the master key)
    • Bang on it, no response (other than cats)
    • Junk shoots the door
    • Guards don't like that, but Vivian Carpenter (owner) tells them its OK
    • Junk is useless.
  • H4NZ hacks the door.
    • Bloody pawprints everywhere.
    • Smell is HORRIFYING.
    • Cats SPEW FORTH from the room.
    • 41 cat food bowls. Lots of dead cats. One alive cat is eating a hotdog.
    • Mary Smalls has died.
  • H4NZ notices a hot dog lodged in the corpse of Ms Small's throat.
    • H4NZ reminds us of her email: Biscuit had a hunger for the other cats?
    • h4nz rolls medicine on a hotdog
    • End of the sausage was not bitten, but sliced.
      • Detect POISON on the hotdog!
    • Biscuit (maybe? they look like fucking cats) dies
  • GM RULING: the dead cats are 1 L bulk each.
    • Junk puts 10 dead cats in his mouth.
  • Bombardier Quentin Watson II is head of security!
    • It's been six years!
    • Junk gives him one of my business cards
  • GIANT cat bowl says 'Biscuit' on it
  • We put the hotdog inside a plastic evidence bag.
  • We realize ALL the dead cats are IDENTICAL. That is weird.
    • They...were stillborn? Cloned? 3D cat printed? Manufactured?
  • Volkas finds a live cat under Ms Small's bed!
    • It's identical.
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