Starfinder:Adventure Log/2019-02-22

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Doing It

  • We arrive in an (underground-ish) hangar
    • Popo touches magic powder that changes the colour of his excretions
    • Tall feller shows up and starts talking about ... a sex toy?
    • Special Products Lab #69
    • SpecOps team are ... engineers? TEAM 69
    • They're fat and engineers making weapons
    • We convince one guy that he should come with us
      • He's Scooter!
      • He starts crying
      • One weapon he grabs is ... a potato covered in runes and circuits? And it's crazy AF and it implodes
        • Teleportato
        • The glovbacke stops it from teleporting
      • Per Scooter, Junk is probably at Desna's Refuge for the Mentally Derranged (in Centrallax)
  • We head back into the elevator and head for the Refuge (for the mentally derranged)
    • Scooter tells us in detail about loli hentai games he likes to play while we're stuck in the slow af elevator
  • No riot in the insane asylum (so far)!
    • Front desk folks seem to think we're here to check in lol
    • We eventually get them to admit that Junk is here
    • They bring out Junk's file and it's FUCKING MASSIVE
    • sigh
    • They say the authorities may be cross if Junk leaves before serving his term, but he is free to come or go
    • He's in a padded room jacking off
    • He runs out of the room and starts a literal circlejerk
    • He moves into the middle of the circlejerk & jewish barmizvah chanting happens
    • S P A C E B U K A K E.
    • We recover Junk.
  • We head back to the ship.
    • Junk says H4NZ has the Sarumet glove
    • We activate Sarument
    • Scooter tries to finger Sarumet's holographic anus
    • Fully destoy core: fully plane shift to the Plane of Positive Energy (which Sarumet can use the last of his power to do)
  • Drift travel to keep an eye on the Grinstar
    • Junk puts the Barrier Bead inside his mouth
    • Junk shoots Scooter with the poop-shoot (scooter poops himself & then junk throws toilet water on him)
    • Popo locks him in the medbay after he cries
  • We arrive at a stationkeeping position between Eox and Bretheda so we can watch the Grinstar
    • We get a message upon arriving: Leovara
    • We make a quick drift hop over there
    • Next message sends us to a moon w/ their largest city (Arkinin)
    • We go visit the City of Teletoranus (Tellitouranus?)!
    • We head to a seedy bar full of drifters
    • Volkas makes frans with the bartender
    • Volkas makes the bartender angry
    • Volkas loses an arm wrestling match with a shitty slug
    • Theo sighs and cheats at arm wrestling
  • Coffin Joe (bdsm eoxian) comes to talk to us
    • He sounds like he's out contact
    • We follow him to a back room (basement? pool room? idk)
    • Oh god they're all idiots who don't know what a moon is
    • We order a round of buttery nipples for everyone!

Homework

  • Assault the Grinstar.