Starfinder:Adventure Log/2019-02-22

Doing It

• We arrive in an (underground-ish) hangar
  • Popo touches magic powder that changes the colour of his excretions
  • Tall feller shows up and starts talking about ... a sex toy?
  • Special Products Lab #69
  • SpecOps team are ... engineers? TEAM 69
  • They're fat and engineers making weapons
  • We convince one guy that he should come with us
    • He's Scooter!
    • He starts crying
    • One weapon he grabs is ... a potato covered in runes and circuits? And it's crazy AF and it implodes
      • Teleportato
      • The glovbacke stops it from teleporting
    • Per Scooter, Junk is probably at Desna's Refuge for the Mentally Derranged (in Centrallax)
• We head back into the elevator and head for the Refuge (for the mentally derranged)
  • Scooter tells us in detail about loli hentai games he likes to play while we're stuck in the slow af elevator
• No riot in the insane asylum (so far)!
  • Front desk folks seem to think we're here to check in lol
  • We eventually get them to admit that Junk is here
  • They bring out Junk's file and it's FUCKING MASSIVE
  • sigh
  • They say the authorities may be cross if Junk leaves before serving his term, but he is free to come or go
  • He's in a padded room jacking off
  • He runs out of the room and starts a literal circlejerk
  • He moves into the middle of the circlejerk & jewish barmizvah chanting happens
  • S P A C E B U K A K E.
  • We recover Junk.
• We head back to the ship.
  • Junk says H4NZ has the Sarumet glove
  • We activate Sarument
  • Scooter tries to finger Sarumet's holographic anus
  • Fully destoy core: fully plane shift to the Plane of Positive Energy (which Sarumet can use the last of his power to do)
• Drift travel to keep an eye on the Grinstar
  • Junk puts the Barrier Bead inside his mouth
  • Junk shoots Scooter with the poop-shoot (scooter poops himself & then junk throws toilet water on him)
  • Popo locks him in the medbay after he cries
• We arrive at a stationkeeping position between Eox and Bretheda so we can watch the Grinstar
  • We get a message upon arriving: Leovara
  • We make a quick drift hop over there
  • Next message sends us to a moon w/ their largest city (Arkinin)
  • We go visit the City of Teletoranus (Tellitouranus?)!
  • We head to a seedy bar full of drifters
  • Volkas makes frans with the bartender
  • Volkas makes the bartender angry
  • Volkas loses an arm wrestling match with a shitty slug
  • Theo sighs and cheats at arm wrestling
• Coffin Joe (bdsm eoxian) comes to talk to us
  • He sounds like he's out contact
  • We follow him to a back room (basement? pool room? idk)
  • Oh god they're all idiots who don't know what a moon is
  • We order a round of buttery nipples for everyone!

Homework

• Assault the Grinstar.